Setting it aside...

doinwork: The Bravery - Slow Poison (Drop The Lime remix)

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 21:03:14 -0500

The Bravery - Slow Poison (Drop The Lime remix)

Oh man, why is it so awkward talking to my older brother?

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 21:00:00 -0500

mm wait, it’s because I’m gay and it’s a topic that we don’t ever talk about. Yep, that’s why. He’s engaged now, you’d think the topic of my love life would come up at some point. But not like there’s anything to tell him anyway… “Yeah, I saw a hot guy on the Red line today and he might have given me a second glance! But then I got off the train, went home and ate dinner by myself while watching Bones. Talk to you next month!” Ha ha. We’re related.

“dusk” 12/6/09

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 17:24:57 -0500

“dusk” 12/6/09

Photo

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 11:22:05 -0500

annicka: At tyco’s holiday party at union station. OMG whoa, I...

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 10:42:00 -0500

annicka:

At tyco’s holiday party at union station. OMG

whoa, I catered that event last night. didn’t see you in the crowd of 500!

last month on this awesome horse calendar I bought on clearance at borders in february...

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 16:48:00 -0500

I need a new one soon, wish there was a internet gift-exchange scheme based around a blogging platform that I was involved in.

It's official: The Awl and Tumblr have officially replaced Gawker for me

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 14:13:32 -0500

The Awl is like, a beacon of hope for me. If Choire and Balk can follow their dreams, so can I.

Choire Sicha = Role Model (partly because he’s from Chicago… and he e-mailed me back about something once, we’re basically in love)

15 years old here

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 01:29:55 -0500

15 years old here

Photographs of dreams past

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 01:24:39 -0500

My older brother is getting married this coming summer, so my 11-year-old sister and I were looking through the bin of photographs that my mother keeps in the office, to get some pictures of him at different ages, you know, for that sappy slideshow stuff they do at weddings sometimes. Anyway, enough about him this blog is about me. Obviously there are a lot of pictures of me in that bin too (like this one from Oct. 2002 or 2003), since my mother isn’t really the scrapbooking type or even the organized-into-piles type when it comes to old photographs. I don’t keep a lot of old pictures around my apartment so this was probably the first time I’ve seen most of these pictures since they were taken, and looking at them just really blew my last emotionally-restrained gasket this weekend. I look at my life now, sitting in a house in a state I’d never even visited before my mother moved here with her new husband, and I wonder what happened to the life I thought I deserved, the life the guy in this pictures thinks is going to happen for him.

It sounds so selfish to write it down, but I really never expected for it to go this way. Still in college (not for a masters) until 2010, living thousands of miles away from my mom and little sister, working part-time jobs in the middle of a recession (will we call it “The Recession” when I look back at pictures from this holiday break in 10 years?), still struggling to be comfortable with being gay, and totally out of shape physically and making it worse drinking so much every week. Wait, that’s not really too terrible of a situation, is it? I’m sorta bad at this emo thing. But it is still weird getting older, counting the wrinkles on my forehead, wondering when I started having this extra padding under my chin and comparing myself to pictures from high school. That guy wanted to be a doctor, can you believe it?

"The number of food stamp recipients has climbed by about 10 million over the past two years,..."

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 23:29:21 -0500

“The number of food stamp recipients has climbed by about 10 million over the past two years, resulting in a program that now feeds 1 in 8 Americans and nearly 1 in 4 children.”

- “Food Stamp Use Soars, and Stigma Fades,” in the New York Times

There is a lot to be said about this, but I guess the main point is that it is unacceptable, especially for a country that has so much wealth. The disparity between the rich and the poor in this country (with healthcare, with education, with food, with shelter) is horrifying, but not surprising, especially concerning the ways we have been taught to treat each other. It’s every man for himself, as much as possible and all the time.

(via britticisms)

I'm too old to be writing papers....

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 20:37:53 -0500

Bracing for another day with the extended step family. I’m...

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 17:47:18 -0500

Bracing for another day with the extended step family. I’m going to go in with a better attitude today, since I realize no one is benefiting from my sulking. The exercise I got today helped (4 mile bike ride on the bike trail here in Olathe, KS). Sure, I’d rather be with the two other sides of my family that I have spent holidays with since I was born, but these people can be interesting too if I give them the chance.

Positive thoughts: I’m on vacation! I’m 24 years old and healthy! I can do anything with my life! I’m alive!

I am thankful that I have this guest room to hide in while at...

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 14:52:00 -0500

I am thankful that I have this guest room to hide in while at ‘home’ in Kansas. I’m thankful that my mom is starting to feel better. I’m thankful that I can afford school (to balance out my ungratefulness for the homework I have to do over this holiday break) and that I can study something I really love, graphic design. Also, I’m thankful that there will be lots of wine at the thanksgiving feast with my step relatives whom I barely know by name. Since my mom isn’t feeling well enough to go I will probably take this opportunity to get drunk and relish my role as the slurring gay step cousin who ruins your stories by shouting “What? what are you talking about? Start again!”

missing my flight is cool, I fly southwest

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 08:14:29 -0500

no flight-change fees

no baggage fees

no nonsense

…..did i just make a movie trailer?

SHIT MISSED MY FLIGHT TO KANSAS

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 08:04:02 -0500

tylercoates: Lykke Li - “Possibility” So tell me when you hear...

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 16:53:03 -0500

tylercoates:

Lykke Li - “Possibility”

So tell me when you hear my heart stop,
You’re the only who knows
Tell me when you hear my silence
There’s a possibility
I wouldn’t know

I went to see New Moon too on opening night and the music was definitely the best part. (oh fine the abs were nice too, lots of abs, abs everywhere, I’m 16 years old)

[last picture] This is a bus in Los Angeles. I rode from Silver...

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 14:51:00 -0500

[last picture] This is a bus in Los Angeles. I rode from Silver Lake to the Hollywood and Vine area (took the 4 2 up Sunset and got off at Cahuenga; buses cost $1.25). The bus looked about 30 years old but had TVs installed that were playing a video of someone giving instructions how to cook friend plantains, interspersed with the type of lame trivia they used to play at the movies before the real previews start.

I went out in West Hollywood and this was the most interesting...

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 14:40:38 -0500

I went out in West Hollywood and this was the most interesting thing I saw.

just some hill…

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 14:38:44 -0500

just some hill…

My hotel was in Santa Clarita, which is about 40 minutes North...

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 14:32:00 -0500

My hotel was in Santa Clarita, which is about 40 minutes North of Los Angeles and is in “the valley” (I think, no one was very clear on this, maybe they only call it “the valley” in movies and on tv) and driving through the mountains was the most memorable part of the trip. Mountains are a rare sight for me, since I grew up in Illinois and Ohio, so I snapped about a million pictures of the desert hills that Interstate 5 cut through.